Friday, June 13, 2008

Alarmists alarming alarmists alarming alarmists...

Wow... Have you guys seen this?

Apparently we're all going to die in a fiery, flooded, hurricane-tornado, drought complete with earthquakes, volcanoes, and cute little pink walruses swimming by while waving to the camera. And it's all your fault... well... yours and the administration's... and the war in Iraq... and capitalism... maybe even a little of that fault lies in the very same pink walrus swimming by your window. (the pink walrus reference is to one of the submissions sent in already to this panic-fest.)

ABC, in their infinite wisdom (J says it is more of presumptive authority), has decided to ask viewers to create 'gripping' videos showing what their particular part of the world will be like in the years 2015, 2050... and on until 2100. Here's the laugh. They feed you the scenario off of which you are supposed to make your video. They forecast the future, you just need to regurgitate it with your own art.

1. We will feed you a detailed scenario of the global threats faced in your specific location and each future date, beginning with Scenario 1 - in the year 2015.
2. Your task is to create a gripping video (1-3 minutes long) about your future world as if you are experiencing it now, firsthand.
3. A team of ABC News producers will interact with you as the game unfolds. The story you invent for the year 2015 will dictate the scenario we create for the year 2050, and so on.
Here's the 2015 scenario
• Despite the promises of the 2008 campaign, a weakened economy and a continued presence in Iraq has kept climate change on the backburner. Global temperatures are rising faster than expected.
• Increasing global demand for oil and industrial metals, especially from China and India, is creating worldwide shortages. More coal-fired power plants are being built to compensate.
• A continued drought is turning the US Southwest into a dust bowl. Lake Mead has dried up, threatening the drinking supply in Las Vegas.
• Tensions rise between the U.S. and Mexico as water disputes break out over the Rio Grande.
• Crop yields plummet in the U.S. Midwest due to persistent droughts mixed with frequent hailstorms and flash floods. Record high food prices and food shortages lead to food riots in many countries around the world.
• Wildfires are raging out of control in Colorado and Southern California leaving thousands of people homeless.
• A powerful nor’easter hits the entire eastern seaboard, from South Carolina to Maine. Power is knocked out for millions of people in New York and New Jersey and the New York City transit system is shut down for 2 days.
• A Category 5 hurricane hits the coast of Miami, flooding a majority of the city and
damaging much of its infrastructure. The situation is made worse by a continuing influx of refugees from Haiti and the Dominican Republic. The National Guard is called in to lead the disaster response.
You don't think they're going to make any money from this, do you? (<---sarcasm) Global warming is a market... an industry. It is the hottest item on the market. Are the executives from this show going to stop flying around in their Gulfstreams to help the cause? Will Owl Gore? Is ABC going to "Go Green"? Perhaps solar and wind powered TV stations? Or is it only our responsibility to save the world? After all, I'm sure they're buying carbon offsets, right? And while I'm at it, what the HELL is a carbon offset anyway? You can use all of the energy you want so long as you pay someone else to plant a couple of trees in a place you'll never see? How about spousal abuse offsets? What if J pays into a fund where husbands somewhere can get therapy so she can beat me senseless? (Hey, even though I might deserve it from time to time, the point stands.)

J tells me I'm getting off topic.

Are the good people of ABC letting me submit a video of people coping with weather patterns like we've done for thousands of years? Are they letting me submit a video about the average salary rising to accommodate for the rising cost of goods and services as time progresses? Am I allowed to post a video about the scientists getting it completely wrong, the earth going through a cooling period, and everything is back to normal and the pendulum swinging to the other side in this global climate cycle?


Doom and gloom sells. Panic pays the bills.

My bet is that the mindless sheep will come flocking in droves to submit to and watch this 2 hour special. Quick quiz kiddies... take the anticipated viewership for this mockery of news, think of how many televisions will be aglow with death and destruction... and how much energy will be wasted in the process in this effort to make mone... er... "save the planet".

If you want to watch something interesting, might I suggest The Great Global Warming Swindle by British television producer Martin Durkin. See how the founder of Greenpeace left after they decided to ban a natural element from the periodic table, how the largest component of greenhouse gasses, water vapor, rises and falls with increased activity from our sun... not from driving a Hummer, and how the voices of dissension are being quelled by the mass hysteria marketing that is Global Warming (which, interestingly enough, used to be Global Cooling for those of you old enough to remember.)

Ok... Do your part. Live a good life. Love. Don't litter. Mow your grass. Mind your Ps and Qs.

We're going to be Ok.


Snoop Robby Rob said...


Do you still remember where you found that brilliant tailor in Kabul? I'm going to be making a short trip there in a couple weeks...thought I'd stop in and have my measurements taken!

How's things in earthquake land? Did the north get a big one yesterday?


Jax and company said...

Hey cutie! I found this on Drudge this morning.
I think I'll look more into this Tennessee Center for Policy Research and see what else they have got gong for them, besides calling out so-called environmentalists for what they really are.